I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
