At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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