i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
