i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
