Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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