Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
