remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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