I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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