he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
