Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the day after is always just damage control
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
