Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
