I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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