what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Blood and glitter go together right?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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