Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize