we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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