fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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