I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
