Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
