so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea