Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.