PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Let's paint friendship bongs
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
