Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
