god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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