There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there's paper in my vomit.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
