the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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