On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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