I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Can Purell be used as lube?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Farmville is her only friend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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