you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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