his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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