I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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