peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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