Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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