he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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