fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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