Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
