So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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