So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
