based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
