We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
