I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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