I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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