Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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