just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
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Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions