My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.