its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.