My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams