I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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