Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?

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  (714): First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance? http://tfl.nu/zhuo
  Replies (3) Good night (596) Bad night (2078)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.

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  (843): Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table. http://tfl.nu/84sw
  Replies (13) Good night (2680) Bad night (1127)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.

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  (727): Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo. http://tfl.nu/8g98
  Replies (14) Good night (1419) Bad night (4112)
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  (707): View more from California

  I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n

  (559): View more from California

  sry, psychiatrist trumps professor

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  (707): I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n (559): sry, psychiatrist trumps professor http://tfl.nu/qnkf
  Replies (43) Good night (6654) Bad night (1052)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.

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  (303): It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac. http://tfl.nu/tpbw
  Replies (28) Good night (1230) Bad night (12804)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.

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  (815): I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off. http://tfl.nu/09ia
  Replies (11) Good night (2818) Bad night (1075)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers

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  (412): its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers http://tfl.nu/1asq
  Replies (9) Good night (3051) Bad night (697)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.

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  (469): On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve. http://tfl.nu/bmil
  Replies (3) Good night (1371) Bad night (571)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen

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  (+44): She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen http://tfl.nu/pozx
  Replies (3) Good night (1811) Bad night (461)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..

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  (425): I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt.. http://tfl.nu/0vvh
  Replies (6) Good night (918) Bad night (300)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"

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  (713): No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY" http://tfl.nu/to54
  Replies (5) Good night (734) Bad night (480)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights

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  (781): Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights http://tfl.nu/p5ea
  Replies (2) Good night (457) Bad night (576)
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  (310): View more from California

  He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning

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  (310): He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning http://tfl.nu/j6rj
  Replies (1) Good night (311) Bad night (508)
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  (+54): View more from

  hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it

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  (+54): hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it http://tfl.nu/8niw
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (359)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.

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  (276): LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything. http://tfl.nu/o8kx
  Replies (1) Good night (575) Bad night (227)

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