How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
