I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
