his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
