youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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