Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
