I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
