I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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