I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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