this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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