Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
