he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
