All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
