am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
