I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
