I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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