I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
