Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
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