atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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