It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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