oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
