I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
