Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
