I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
