Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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