This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize