just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
